I’ve been a little quiet on my personal life lately. Sometimes I just need to retreat a bit, being an introvert. But this time it’s more.
I struggle with chronic anxiety and depression. Things spiraled beyond my control after my son was born, but these were not new issues. For over 6 years now, I’ve been taking medication and regularly going to therapy to manage my symptoms. As one doctor said to me early on “let’s put some more tools in your toolbox.”
And how does this relate to this week? I can feel depression creeping in on me. You know how you feel when a cold is coming on? The first day you might not think much of it, a little scratchy throat and feeling a bit slow moving. By the second day you know what’s coming and you can’t stop it, the sore throat and cough and headache. At this point you can refuse to believe it and do business as usual. You can “power through”—staying up later and working harder to brace for the impact of sickness. You can also start to treat your body better to soften the blow by getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, taking vitamins, and giving yourself time to rest. It’s this third option that often leads to the quickest recovery and the least struggle.
This is how I’ve come to see my anxiety and depression in this same way. At first, I might not notice the early signs. For me this is trouble sleeping, irritability, and a bit of confusion about what needs to be done. I can ignore or power through these signs. Sometimes I feel discouraged to see this chronic illness rear it’s ugly head. Sometimes I feel angry and resentful. I’m still learning to leave space for these feelings. But, for me, the best way to manage my symptoms is to go back to my toolbox.
The first day or two I thought it was just regular stress. Kevin’s travel schedule can be really challenging. But each morning I felt more tired and discouraged, I struggled to choose food to eat, and felt increasingly melancholy and “blah”. By Thursday I decided to call it what it was, a depression relapse, and to make some changes. Here are my go to “tools” when dealing with mental illness:
Go outside—be in nature and surrounded by plants
Find sunshine or bright light—grey winter days are very hard for me
Exercise—especially difficult once the relapse is in full swing, a walk is a good place to start
Feed myself well—choose food that feels like a treat but also nourishes me
Choose 3 easy to-do’s—a long list is overwhelming and doing a few things encourages me
Sleep—fatigue makes the relapse MUCH worse so getting to bed early is a must for me
Reach out—connect with a few close friends to share my struggle
These are a few keys to managing my depression and anxiety. Maybe some of these tools can help you as well. Today is Friday, movie night for my family. It’s a rainy, cold day so I’m taking it easy and hanging out with Kate. We are planning to make cookies later and we will enjoy a fire and Christmas movie tonight. Gentleness and rest are the plan for today.